First thing you need to know about Jodie Patterson (@jodiepatterson): Everything about her is a VIBE. We stopped by the writer, social activist and mother-of-5’s home in Brooklyn to spend the day with her and chat beauty, and instantly found ourselves drawn in by her easy smile and cool, welcoming attitude. The author of “The Bold World: A Memoir of Family and Transformation” — which details how Jodie’s perspectives on self, identity and motherhood shifted after her her three-year-old child shared that they were trans — is a woman who gracefully inhabits confidence and curiosity.
In her work as an activist for Human Rights Watch traveling to raise awareness for LGBTQ+ issues, it’s clear that she’s unafraid to be bold and address big issues. And stepping into the skylight bathroom sanctuary she’s created for herslf, adorned with vintage mirrors and pieces collected from her travels, it’s clear that she brings the same level of passion to the small details as well.
In a special Mother’s Day edition of Muri Muse, Jodie shares how important it is for women —mothers especially — to claim moments all to themselves. To stretch out in this life and care for themselves, without shame.
JP: Sometimes I just separate myself from everything and everyone. Even if its only for a few hours... I try to disappear into thin air. That may sound reckless for a mom of 5, but hear me out. Mothers are always asked to be responsible, predictable, and reliable. We show up all the time for people. But sometimes I want to experience freedom, where Im not attached to anyone or anything. So I take freedom. I practice 'silent mornings' where I don’t utter a word, not even to the kids, for an hour or so [so] no one can penetrate my vibe. Other times I walk my Brooklyn neighborhood for 45 minutes by myself, love songs playing in my ears, with no specific route, just weaving in and out of streets, getting lost. I write in my journal about myself (not about my lover, not about my children, or anything other than me). I become the main character of my thoughts. A couple of times I’ve traveled by myself for a week to a foreign place, just to experience this world on my own.
For women, taking freedom is complicated because it challenges the way we've been taught to value ourselves (which is always in relation to others). But women have to clear space for ourselves We have to stretch out in this life and do as we please and not be concerned about others, or if it is what a responsible 52 year old women should do. Be selfish, if only for a bit. I call it Starfishing — to stretch out in this life and to do as I please.
Image Credit: Chanel Matsunami Govreau
ML: What does your daily skincare routine look like?
JP: I love catering to myself. I love being selfish and self centered. I know that sounds counterintuitive to the vow mothers make, but let me explain… Most of the time I'm caring for others - my 5 kids and their robust lives, my puppy, I even care for issues like transphobia, LGBTQAI hatred, sexism and racism. There are so many ways I give of myself that when I can give to myself I feel no shame.
I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, more than ever before. Sometimes I just turn up my playlist of love songs, sing along, and care for myself in my beautiful bathroom. I clean my face with a soothing wash from Kat Burki, then press in her toner and lifting serum. My favorite part comes next - I massage my face (nose, cheeks, jaw line, eyes, temples, even my lips) with Muri Lelu’s Mauvaise Herbe Indica Oil. Sometimes I do this 2-3 times a day as a way to relax and reset. If Instagram is good for anything it's finding great facial massaging techniques!
Image Credit: Chanel Matsunami Govreau
ML: How have the many stages in your life — from working as a creative and entrepreneur, to motherhood and now stepping into a new life purpose as activist and author — shown up on your skin? What have you learned about supporting and caring for your skin over time?
JP: I think my face shows exactly who I am. In my eyes you can see some of the worry that goes into being responsible for others, and you can also see the joy in my big, toothy smile. My hands are worn and aged just right because I’ve done a lot with them over these 52 years. I like that I don’t look brand new. I like that my tenure shows up on my skin in the most beautiful way, all over my body.
These days I travel a lot for work. I go from state to state with the Human Rights Campaign, talking with people who believe in equality and want to help course correct our country. Like right now, I'm on a 2 week stint. Travel can be brutal on the body. Airplane and hotel air, conference food, coffee, sugar, coffee - its rough. So I’ve learned to take the few important things with me in my toiletry bag (Muri Lelu’s Mauvaise Herbe Indica Oil night ritual is a no brainer) and I use it every day on my face to stay hydrated and a dab on my hands and cuticles as well. Anyplace that needs attention.
Image Credit: Chanel Matsunami Govreau
ML: Favorite Flower?
JP: I love bunches of wild flowers. Wild!
ML: Most subversive thing you've done lately?
JP: Raise happy, healthy, proud, carefree, smart, confident, unified black children.